unfaithfull writer

somewhere in the midst of running a house and children I loose my self for weeks at a time I forget who I am, the person I was before I became who I am now a relocated mum of four with a relocated life, a life I am also on the fringes of ,never quite in the circle realise I am a serial adulteress, constantly unfaithful to myself needs my wants and my yearnings and God given talent I do what needs to be done to reasonably satisfy my self and then press the off key and disappear back into the mundane leaving my inner self screaming for attention,stimulation and fulfillment feel guilty about it but still fall into the same pattern of self neglect because others wants and needs are more important than mine? I ask my self once a week why?and there are many answers but should any of them be an excuse to not being faithful to Mandy,she the writer,singer,tv presenter all of which she excels at and more... Is she not good enough for me, the wife and mother in her comfortable routine and safe existence am I scared of her overwhelming me completely absorbing me and leaving me with no room to focus on anyone but her?what is the truth, what is my truth I still haven't found it perhaps its because I've pushed the off key again