Crosstown Traffic

I look forward with some trepidation to XMAS in Lagos. My first xmas in 20yrs. It actually doesn't feel very Xmassy at all. The few decorations scattered round town by the various banks look hot, dusty and tired and the faces of the masses look all of the above plus vaguely desperate. I am also getting stopped at every check point and being asked "madam how far for xmas now?". Some of them I am just driving past when they flag me down cos I just cant be bothered to stop. I dare them to chase me down in my 4x4 for me then to utter that famous old sentence "do you know who I am?" and for them to look disconcerted, confused and a little apprehensive then just wave me off in case I am somebody or know somebody anyway. Try it, it works.

I'm off looking for turkeys and xmas puddings and I am determined to put on a good lunch for family and friends (at last count 30+ people oh) no matter what it takes. This means sitting in hours and hours of traffic along with my fellow country men and women looking for many different items in many different shops. Gosh how I wish for my local one stop shop - Sainsburys. Aisle after aisle after aisle. Sorry where was I?

By the way, when is everybody leaving town anyway? I thought Lagos was supposed to empty out over xmas with people returning back to the village to their second homes,and their second set of cars and househelp. I wish they would hurry up and leave already. I beg this town is over subscribed. At least let us that stay behind exhale during this holiday period, as we drive around Lagos with the wind in our hair,(erm down the lekki express way we would probably need face masks).When are they going to finish that road anyway? I'm not sure how much more road expansion we can take oh.

Maybe small bad belle dey do me. I wish I could retire to my second house in the village, except I don't have one (small technicality!!) unless you count my father's house. Ohh to wake up in Asaba early in the morning and take a walk round the compound inhaling the cool harmattan air whilst picking fresh hibiscus for my mother's vases and watching the river Niger flow languorously by. These were my xmases as a child and I miss them so. I thought about bringing up the topic of spending some of the holiday period in Asaba to oga, but my parents are not going until after xmas and they have already asked me to try to get them a police escort so they can go and come back in peace!. Needless to say sadly I don't think Toks will feel confident letting us go.

Tis the season to be giving and remembering who was born. My kids have been reminding me on a daily basis, which is nice, by singing xmas carols everywhere albeit not very correctly "While shepards wash their sheep by nite all seated on the ground an angel of the lord came down and heaven all fell round". We plan on visiting the local motherless babies home to give gifts to the orphans. We are trying to have a one present xmas this year and stay focused on what xmas means as opposed to getting tons of stuff that is mostly meaningless junk. Besides,in my experience, after opening the third present my younger ones just switch off and start playing with the wrapping paper.I know its going to be a beautiful day thank you Jesus.