I have been invited to be a guest presenter and agony aunt of sorts on Unilag FM 103.1 at 9pm tonight. The hot topic of discussion is "How to weather the storm of an affair in your relationship".
I am not sure if I am fully qualified give advice on this subject, but I will do the best I can based on my own perspective. I suppose the big question will be "should I stay or should I go?. How does one determine this though? Does time invested in the relationship count towards giving it another go? Does being married and maybe having children involved put you under pressure to recommit to a relationship with a person you want to trust but just cannot? As opposed to being single and dating where you can use your get out of jail free card? I wonder though can anyone truly be monogamous for the rest of their lives, once in a committed relationship?.Does an affair just mean sexual indiscretion or could it be unfaithfulness to our partners as soon as we start committing time and energy on communicating in an inappropriate manner with someone other than our partner. Questions.Questions and even more questions.
What I do know is that it takes discipline and hard work to maintain a strong,trusting,respectful and sound relationship. Human beings are programmed to want and need love on a continuous basis we are also programmed to seek for attention and affirmation not only from our partners but also the rest of society and these needs need to be addressed on a continuous basis.
I believe that if our partners stray we need to accept some degree of responsibility not just because we may not have fulfilled our partners needs, but because we have not fulfilled our own. We need to take responsibility for drawing people into our lives that do not belong, that were never our portion, were not what God intended for us and who we simply do not deserve.
It should be an interesting evening.Please join me if you can.
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108 comments:
Mandy, this is brilliant!! I believe that you have found your forte. Seriously, I really wish that you would explore more of the dynamics of relationships, especially between the sexes. So many people are hurting and in pain, especially married women. You have helped me, just by reading this, out of a horrible siyuation I have been going through, just by reading it. Please more of this. Why do husbands hurt their wives so much?
Anon.... I am not sure who said we always hurt the ones closest to us,but it is a statment of fact,often we we go out into the world there are strict rules of engagment that we do not bend as we do not want to be seen as "out there" by our peers so we bring it on home to the closest ones that we know will forgive us again and again.The question you have to ask yourself is, how long can you keep on forgiving if you are ultimatley damaging yourself?
Very true, but you know,like a lot of women, I am in no position to do anything about it. I am totally financially dependent and the attitude is "tough, get overit" the thing is I cant, I hurt so much and have just realized that for a lot of men, no matter how beautiful, clever, kind or gracious that you try to be,after a while tey get bored or just take you for granted.No affection, romance or delight in the wife,wha can you suggest? he snaps and is so irritated with me, if I as much as complain about something, he yells and creates a tantrum, I am at a loss, I wish I could turn back the clock and live my life all over again, how differently I would do things!! I DO i make him desire or want me again? Ho do i get him to miss me when he is away? How do i create the magic that we once had? I am 45 years old
people say I am beautiful, smart and funny. I have no confidence in myself as a woman any longer. I am really unhappy.
Anon....In order to weather the storm you are currently going through in your marriage perhaps you need to look out of the box that you may have put yourself into by looking outside for your current need of affirmation and affection.Get more involved in social and religious activities by joining the work team of your church,taking a small part time course,joining the gym and just generaly trying to make new friends who have no preconceptions about you.Busy yourself in activites that dont involve your husband I am not saying ignore him,just take more time out to develop yourself anyway you can. You may find as you find otherways to occupy yourself, you will have less time to focus on his failures
and also bring more interest into the marriage as he begins to see the change in you and wonders were you are, and what you are up to.
you will find that you confidence as a woman should return not based on his treatment of you but rather
on how you have been treating yourself by empowering yourself to try new things and emotionaly begining to stand on your own two feet as a sound person.
Other people do not have the power to steal our joy unless we give it to them.Remember God loves you more deeply than any man can.Pray for your husband,the bible says we should call those things that are not as though they are.confess positivity about your marriage were it does not exist,tell yourself and people close to you how wonderfull loving and caring your husband is and wait prayerfully for a change.
Keep me posted.
Much Much love to you xx Mandy
I am a bit late - so I guess the best thing to do will be to wait for an update. Did you stay or go?
Mandy, thank you so much for your advice, I do feel that I have been talking to a really good friend who cares about me. You are a wise lady indeed. I shall try what you have suggested, I especially like 'calling those things that are not as if they are'I am a strong christian and something in me responded deeply to this. God bless you and your family, I shall let you know how it goes, please pray for me.Hugs...
ababoy2..I went
ababoy2..I went
And...
DANG...missed it..!!!
ababoy &obi...you guys are killing me.nevertheless I am updating my blog shortley
Mandy, I thnk you should write articles on a regular basis, the diary of a JJC might be applicable.
Have you done any recent bloggs sorry it's Maria not sure how to manipulae this site.
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