I have been invited to be a guest presenter and agony aunt of sorts on Unilag FM 103.1 at 9pm tonight. The hot topic of discussion is "How to weather the storm of an affair in your relationship".
I am not sure if I am fully qualified give advice on this subject, but I will do the best I can based on my own perspective. I suppose the big question will be "should I stay or should I go?. How does one determine this though? Does time invested in the relationship count towards giving it another go? Does being married and maybe having children involved put you under pressure to recommit to a relationship with a person you want to trust but just cannot? As opposed to being single and dating where you can use your get out of jail free card? I wonder though can anyone truly be monogamous for the rest of their lives, once in a committed relationship?.Does an affair just mean sexual indiscretion or could it be unfaithfulness to our partners as soon as we start committing time and energy on communicating in an inappropriate manner with someone other than our partner. Questions.Questions and even more questions.
What I do know is that it takes discipline and hard work to maintain a strong,trusting,respectful and sound relationship. Human beings are programmed to want and need love on a continuous basis we are also programmed to seek for attention and affirmation not only from our partners but also the rest of society and these needs need to be addressed on a continuous basis.
I believe that if our partners stray we need to accept some degree of responsibility not just because we may not have fulfilled our partners needs, but because we have not fulfilled our own. We need to take responsibility for drawing people into our lives that do not belong, that were never our portion, were not what God intended for us and who we simply do not deserve.
It should be an interesting evening.Please join me if you can.
Saturday, 12 January 2008
I have been invited to present an award at the Future Nigerian Awards on sunday,an event which holds yearly to give kudos to all the innovative youth that have made impact in Nigeria it looks to be a great event.with heavy weights such as Ngozi Okonjo Iweala world bank MD and various ministers and first ladies it will be a sight to behold I'm sure.I am also looking forward to seeing one of the nominees, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie hopefully receiving an award for 'young person of the year', and I will be unashamedly chasing her for an autograph as I am a huge fan. I enjoyed 'Half Of A Yellow Sun' even more than 'Purple Hibiscus' I suppose being from Igbo land made me more sensitive to the topics she was dealing with.
Monday morning I am off to New york for the week and I am counting the hours to getting on the plane.I am desperately hoping the flight entertainment will be showing Will Smiths 'I am Legend'.I am a complete sciFi freak ! not to talk of horror movies it doesn't matter how bad they are I'll sit through them to the end.I love plane journeys as you are forced to do nothing (unless you have the kids with you) but meditate and watch an unseemly amount of TV.Tuesday will be an insane amount of shopping at the mall for everyone that is associated with this family, Naija Stylie,even the driver must get a shirt ohh!!,then I am going to see the 'Colour Purple' on Broadway one of my unfulfilled ambitions and do a few comedy clubs.I will also go for a walk in central park, as it is a beautiful space full of hidden adventures, and try not to get mugged.Then there is the food, Americans know how to do food and I will eat to my fill with no guilt attached as I will be walking everywhere!
so on that joyful note I will blog off for the week and let you all in on my adventures when I get back.
Monday, 7 January 2008
And a Happy new year it is,I pray that 2008 matches all the expectations we have of it as we go about our daily lives trying to live better, be better and achieve all of the resolutions we have set for ourselves.
I have never been good at keeping new year resolutions so have given up on setting them for myself,but I do try to give myself targets to follow for the year.One that wasn't on my to do list is to have a stab at remixing Taxi driver a song I released as a young teenager almost two decades ago. To my constant surprise it is still played on the radio and requested to be played on the radio! it seems to be a well loved song plus I have had my blog friends amongst other people telling me to give it a go, here's me thinking my pop-star days were long over.
So with an open heart I gave Cobhams a ring on Saturday (he is one of the most prolific Nigerian producers around today)I had the privilege of meeting him a few months ago at the Muson Centre where Keji Hamilton was showcasing his new afrobeat record. So I asked him if he remembered the song and to my surprise he began to reconstruct drum,bass and chorus lines to me over the phone,and he sounded very excited about working on such a project.We are hoping to meet up sometime this month our schedules permitting.I mentioned to a blog friend the other day that I might not be brave enough to embark on such an adventure and then I reread one of my mother's poems.
Bring back the happiness I once knew,
Find again times to look forward to.
search for pleasure I once felt within,
Return all that was mine,
Life again will begin.
Wind back the new years,
Rebear the old,
Turn back the new thoughts,
The old thoughts enfold.
Darken today's eyes,
Give light to past years.
Bring back bygone joys,
set death on new fears.
Dry up the tears shed for every new day,
Bring back the good years forever to stay.
Made me think..