I wonder why I still haven't settled on a church I want to fellowship at permanently yet, as I am spoilt for choice as indeed most of us are in the Lagos metropolis.There are services to suite all, at all times of the day,and yet still I will not commit. I remember on one of my trips to NYC I was looking for some new shoes and headed for Macy's department store shoe floor, the sheer size of the place was completely overwhelming there were high heels and low heels thick heels and spiky heels, wedgies platforms and pumps with there various colours leaving my head in a spin as I had forgotten what I had come in for,and then came the prices, and did you go designer or high street and what did you want to pay?and with the sales people trying to persuade me to purchase there wares It took me 20minutes to gather myself and leave with nothing.
I realise now that im not sure which church I want to wear ,who's mantle I want to wrap round me what size heels would fit,and who's visionary colours I would want to buy into. I don't know what price I'm ready to pay.
I was all ready to go back to my old church which has many many branches over here untill it was announced that ladies had to start coming in long skirts and dresses. I own but one skirt in my wardrobe and it is black and was bought for a funeral,and even with its long length left me feeling more exposed than my usual pair of trousers.
With so many good churches out there and the rest of them just pimping Jesus the streets are bare on Sunday mornings, everyone with there special pair of shoes on off to praise our God,but as the day dawns on Monday morning nothing changes, the shoes come off as we shout abuse to our fellow drivers off on the school,job,bank and maybe booty call run trying to block as many cars as we can so we can get where were going faster as you know we have more important stuff to do. I think I'll just stick to me and Jesus for now till I can find the right fit and hopefully God in his amazing grace will forgive me.
Saturday, 24 November 2007
I had a wonderful experience meeting Funmi,last week on her show I am quite an admirer of hers she has such a lot of spunk and charisma and also being a fellow blogger I felt like I knew her... well some of her. she is a powerful advocate for the underprivileged and the forgotten and had me on to talk about my future plans for my entry into the world of media as I am planning to set up a production company in the new year by the grace of God.speaking of the grace of God, this is sad but true of me ,I am always second guessing myself and wondering if the things I plan to do are going to be sanctioned by him because deep down I know that I know that I know I should be working on the songs he gave me to release an album with,could I have my cake and eat it. I spoke to my brother the other day and he said to let God do it what does that mean I said, and he implied that Iwas always making too many plans and should allow God to take control. so do I stop and wait ? as I said I feel I am still on the outer circle. How do you know when you are walking into your destiny?
Thursday, 22 November 2007
somewhere in the midst of running a house and children I loose my self for weeks at a time I forget who I am, the person I was before I became who I am now a relocated mum of four with a relocated life, a life I am also on the fringes of ,never quite in the circle realise I am a serial adulteress, constantly unfaithful to myself needs my wants and my yearnings and God given talent I do what needs to be done to reasonably satisfy my self and then press the off key and disappear back into the mundane leaving my inner self screaming for attention,stimulation and fulfillment feel guilty about it but still fall into the same pattern of self neglect because others wants and needs are more important than mine? I ask my self once a week why?and there are many answers but should any of them be an excuse to not being faithful to Mandy,she the writer,singer,tv presenter all of which she excels at and more... Is she not good enough for me, the wife and mother in her comfortable routine and safe existence am I scared of her overwhelming me completely absorbing me and leaving me with no room to focus on anyone but her?what is the truth, what is my truth I still haven't found it perhaps its because I've pushed the off key again